A Mile in My Shoes: Why Some Topics are Difficult Even with Friends and Allies

What is in a name? Why is it so difficult to say Black Lives Matter, or Me Too? What is it that makes society instinctively reject these simple phrases, these names that advocates experiences?

Suppose you have ever had conversations around this with people around you, especially those not already sold. In that case, you will run into a strange inability to understand how Black people could reasonably even fear conflict with law enforcement or how women could be harassed as frequently as they are.

The problem shows up all the time. We have all heard that many men will only listen to other men, but seeing it in practice is always frustrating. From boardrooms to ordinary conversations, women will often be ignored entirely until men repeat what they’ve been saying, and only then is the perspective even heard by many in the room.

Why, then, do you have to explain to your brother, your friend or your neighbour what should be obvious? How can simple concepts of boundaries or sometimes of the need for entire human rights be so invisible to otherwise well-meaning, intelligent people? 

Sometimes, it can be due to pure bias, a challenge that can be difficult to push through; however, being biased is not always the problem. Trusted, educated people, regardless of gender, fall into these traps, but if there was no way to reach people like this then no steps on the road to equality would have been reached, and the incredible work of those who came before us would not have borne fruit.

Miranda Fricker is a brilliant philosopher who might have some insight into the matter through her concept of ‘hermeneutical injustice.’ This is when someone has an experience, but because of the prejudice society has about a group that the person is a member of, people are unable to understand it. 

Philosophical terms can sometimes feel abstract, so here is a concrete example. In 1974, Lin Farley began to work at Cornell University, teaching a class on women and work; at the time, the only university in the US to offer an accredited women’s rights course.

Unfortunately, she soon discovered that the university had a serious problem- unchecked, unwanted sexual advances, especially from professors.

The problem was there was no way to call this out, and even when quitting and making unemployment applications, describing what was happening in a way that insurers would understand was difficult; not only that, but the women involved described the difficulty of naming and isolating such experiences even to themselves.

Eight of these women came together, brainstormed, and suddenly came up with the term sexual harassment.

It may seem smaller in hindsight, but with this naming of the term, these women brought about a huge name. Suddenly, through naming this term, women across the nation could discuss their experiences, draw lines they could not before, and even make insurance companies understand what they were discussing. They could use this term to speak to allies, call something what it was, and call out their own experiences.

We do not live in the same bodies or have the same collective experiences. Sometimes, even the most basic things will be difficult to understand. Sometimes, even when these experiences are our own, it can be difficult to process them, even for the best of us. Even when change is lagging, however, the advocates of the past show us how big changes can be initiated just by putting names to our experiences.

If they are long-standing and resilient enough, I believe many prejudices work by making themselves invisible, almost undetectable to those who uphold them.

Suppose someone refuses to hire a woman in tech or clutch their bag as a Black person goes by. In that case, it is an individual moment with nothing to do with any broader patterns, no matter how commonly and exclusively they do it.

Naming the experience, however, throws a spanner in the works. Post-partum depression. Unconscious bias. Sexual harassment. 

What’s in a name? Sometimes, it is the backbone of an entire movement.